Having my life blown apart by two separate events, one being the death of my daughter and now the passing of my wife of 46 years, I continue to engage in contemplation about the nature of grief. I am sure that those who have suffered similar losses can relate to my struggle to make sense of despair.
Since 2004 my wife Phran and I, through Forever Family Foundation, have been suggesting to the bereaved that their loved ones still exist in another form. We have tried to help transform their grief by presenting evidence that death is not final. We point out that mind acts independently of the physical brain, and consciousness continues when the body is no more. It is not an easy concept for many to embrace, but many improve by both becoming aware of the evidence and having personal experiences that defy logical thought.
So, if we are and remain entities of pure thought and energy, what changes after physical death? We retain our memories and personalities, so why should we expect to no longer grieve? After all, if a bereaved person decides to move from their home to a new location to seek some relief, they usually find that their grief and memories travel with them. Similarly, why should we assume that moving into a new realm of existence will change anything? Won’t we still be imprisoned by our thoughts?
The answer lies in a change of perspective.
We interpret our thoughts while we are here based upon our conditioning while constrained by physical laws. We miss someone because they are not with us in the physical and we believe they are gone forever. We love them, they are no more, and we are anguished and sad. Then we die, awaken in a new realm, and they are there. We no longer wallow in our grief but rejoice in the reunion. We realize that sadness is a self-inflicted emotion based upon false assumptions. We are no longer held captive by our thoughts but are liberated by them.
Can this knowledge that a change of perspective awaits eliminate our grief while we trod through our physical life? Of course not. We grieve because we love, and intellectual reasoning is not a substitute for our lives without them. However, as lost as I now feel, I get respites from my sadness by remembering what I have learned and experienced about the non-physical world. In this respect, those of us who believe that we are more than our physical bodies have a distinct advantage over those who do not.
I am so very sorry for your loss. My husband passed away unexpectedly nine days ago. Although I feel his presence strongly and he has assured me that he will always be with me, which is deeply comforting, I grieve. Each day, I awaken to a new and, in some respects unwelcome, normal. As mortals, we largely experience our lives through our five senses. When our loved ones leave their bodies, our relationships with them become much more subtle. And the self-questioning begins. "Is his voice in my head his way of communicating with me, or am I making it up?" "Did the broken hot tub just fix itself, or did he just prove that he can still fix anything…
Thank you Bob. "We grieve because we love…" I state this over and over in my Compassionate Friends meetings and in my Bereavement Writing Group and to others who have struggled with being told they "should be over it by now" or "you need to let go and move on" as if we're supposed to forget these beloved human beings who are still such a part of us even though their physical bodies are not here with us. You and the Forever Family Foundation have given me more comfort, support and faith than anything else since my son, Nic, died on April 21, 2014. One of the loves of his life sent me something soon after he died, a mess…
Offering my deepest sympathyI for your loss, Bob. I've been taught that the afterlife is an opportunity for us to learn the lessons we did not learn in our lives here on the earth plane. We miss our loved ones, but I know that passing is only a part of our journey.